Life is a highway

Thursday, July 21, 2011

'So you think this is hot?'

Lessons learned:
- get your subletter to sign a lease
- get your subletter to sign something saying he will give a damage deposit
- go with your subletter to get the damage deposit on THAT day if he does not have it on him.
- do a security check on your subletter
- washing machines and regular soap do not get blood out of pillows
- wet wipes are your best friend to wipe down EVERYTHING said subletter may have touched and are for some reason greasy
- mysterious things will come out of carpets with a little elbow grease and a strong strong chemical carpet cleaner
- regular scotch tape does not hold up posters very well and when one falls in the night it can sound like an angry ex subletter breaking in
- When someone ties your nintendo controllers into tight nots (for god knows what reason) it is difficult to untie them, especially with the previously mentioned grease covering
- It is not illegal or against any code to throw out items left behind by a subletter- goodbyyyyye junk
- Through all of this, you can tell who your good friends are :)
- DO NOT come to Toronto at the peak of summer

I made the mistake of doing a terrible job subletting to a psychopath this summer and had to fly to Toronto to get things sorted out before *I* got kicked out as well. Turns out, the two days I decided to come are the hottest days of the year - said to feel like 50 degrees with the humidity. ALSO turns out that searching for a subway (walking) for an hour in this heat is detrimental to your health. Not only do I feel sick, my skin is peeling and I nearly fainted in the line up when I got there. I think I'm going to stay inside for a while.

As for the title of this entry: There is apparently a church in Scarborough that has 'So you think this is hot?' on the sign. But from my experiences with my psycho subletter, the state of my room post-subletter, and the current heat, Id say that this IS in fact Hell. And I subletted to the devil himself, and his two satan spawns.

Needless to say I have successfully evicted the shit out of this room, and his stuff as well, and am looking forward to going back home to a clean cozy house and regular summer weather where I can walk outside without losing half of my body weight in water.

I went for a 10 minute walk to subway and when I got home it looked like I had just run on a treadmill for 3 hours INSIDE a sauna. I am now sitting half naked in my air conditioned apartment drinking a liter of water.

So that's my brief update on life.
'Should be' news headline: 'July 20-21 - Mysterious happenings: Hell has risen and become Toronto ON.'

I now intend to lay naked on my cold tile floor. ah-goodbye